*Warning Long Post - CHOICE is Yours*

I am an introvert by nature and that simply means not used to mingling with people in general. I rarely gou out to hang out with my close friends either since my parents particularly my dad is quite concern of the safety of his children. I think all parents have the same sentiments, agree? There are several ways that will enable a person to be connected thanks to technology. I used to have an account in friendster but then those in charge messed it up. It had tons of errors and problems that made it hard for me to navigate although it was somewhat ok for a short while. Then I tried out WAYN but guess it wasn't great for me as it's more meant for the travelling type of people. It is a social network as well but it doesn't suit me plus the fact barely had any friends or any other reason to stay there often. I did have fun meeting a few peeps too bad forgot to add them to my friend list so lost contact in the end. Here are a few screen shots so you get a slight idea how that site looks like.

I tried out facebook as suggested by a cousin in law. I wasn't that familiar with it but tried it out hoping to be re-connected with my school friends. Although snail mail is my kind of thing but it takes too much time before my thoughts are delivered directly to the recipient and the waiting time in between makes me feel a bit uneasy as well. Within the facebook network existed were several applications which could be  consisted of various interests games, socializing and much more I remember the time when "Human Pets" was a 3rd party of sorts that allowed real people to have online conversations in a creative way.  The concept: owner - pet relationship. There are several aspects or degrees of relationships  like friendship, romantic or others. Sorry am not well versed in such things hee~ You see the "chat" feature didn't exist during that time frame. You usually have to wait for awhile before other people can respond to messages you sent via pm through the inbox only. You aren;t aware if the other person you are trying to talk with is online or not. Here is a screenshot of Patrick who created of what I was referring to earlier.

Here is my own profile in the "HP" site but not active there anymore. As you can see I somehow tweaked my own space in such a way. Others might actually find it too much to look at and wait for the entire page to load.

It’s supposed to be a virtual space wherein you could interact with other people. He made it possible to be fun but then the demands of some participants were not exactly wholesome. As you know facebook is firm that ensures the safety of everyone using their platform. There are “shops” which you can set up and earn points as well there while chatting and “thumbing’ within the herd/s. A herd is quite similar to facebook groups some are open to everyone and others are meant only for a few selected members.  So here is a sample of a shop not much to see though..

 Here is my version of a virtual shop which  might be way too colorful for some of you. Other virtual shops caters to the *ahem* kinky and definitely not kid friendly stuff. So basically that made me not too fond of being online there. Although there were like wholesome imageslike cute stuff and lots of food pics

Here you can see some of the people who came by to buy some items from my virtual store.

 

Here is a sample of a herd that I often visit and stay around for few hours just to share stories and to 

  earn points that will allow me to buy from the virtual shops. However to earn there other people will have to "thumb" or rather in facebook need to click the "like" button.

Sample screen shot of spamming while others are “thumbing” or rather  “liking” the posts you just wrote like numbers or letters. That’s my sis doing the utd meaning up to date thumbs up in all my posts.

 I absolutely miss hanging out here but no longer active as well. *sad*

The conversations as years pass were evolving to a more *ahem* quite adulterated erm..trashy kind so that didn't sit well with me. Not much to see in my own herd so just took snapshots of the descriptions of them. Too bad it didn't had a long life to maintain any kind of conversations as people all have their own personal concerns in everyday life after all.

This is the only photo of  my former  "owner" Wonbin quite a funny guy but then became indefinitely inactive even on fb so another lost contact *sighs* 

Posting some sample conversations with other people on the profile pages.

 

As time pass..made some few online friends and some lost contact permanently. It can't be helped it just happens. Unpleasant stuff comes into life after all. I used to like someone but it didn't work out besides it was too unrealistic not feasible at all. It was one sided kind of relationship and knew very well it 's  unfair to hold onto false hope. In reality felt great isolation in society be it on the online/virtual world or in the real everyday life which have to go through no matter what. I do go out doing errands every now and then but honestly don't feel any sense of community at all. I felt very much lost and depressed for quite awhile even my own family didn't notice since I am usually quiet and don't make a huge racket when I am upset. 

A very nice gesture from Chira an online friend got to know via HP but I rarely get to talk with her now. As mentioned before quite an introvert so have not much common interest but she was nice to do this. She gave me some words of encouragement so I felt  good that somebody did care. However not long after, I had an unfavorable incident with the so called online friend/s who literally bashed me shamelessly which I find it offending. I made a decision to remove them from my friend list since they're just online friends who didn't care much of the feelings of other people. I was sad and not fond of foul language and mind you they did use it so easily in every possible update of their status at fb in a regular basis. I wondered why did I try to associate myself with such people?!?! Perhaps I just wanted to be "in," to be in the "trend" or maybe pretty/beautiful in a superficial way? Why? I don't know maybe just want to have sense of belonging to a certain group maybe close friends..? I didn't find any of those which I yearned for. I tried to vent my emotions so went lunatic shopping online. Which I admit is not the best choice since I spent like a lot! I wanted to fill the immense emptiness I felt inside. I did however  made good relations with independent local online store owners nice and very very fortunate they were not scammers. I have read countless horrific stories being duped to making payments the items ordered only to find out they were never had any intention to be delivered at all. I know there is a high risk factor but maybe it be better if I tried doing physical activities such as exercising. I would be at least be more fit in terms in taking care of my health, agree? *face palm*

Alternative focus was joining the online giveaways was quite active for sometime some were lucky other times not so lucky in winning. I just wanted to put away the energy to something that I want to enjoy. Later on  I turned to prayers to God for the longest time I could recall. A random online friend request popped unexpectedly. Didn't think much of it could have easily ignored/discarded it but reluctantly accepted it. I was really feeling down and even wanted to eliminate myself permanently. However, I already made a choice to keep on moving yet have no concrete direction in life. I know others who read this will find me foolish as my worries are shallow but please do keep in mind, some people have minimal tolerance when thrown the worst case scenario/s. I just happen to be part of the statistics to be be relatively emotional. 

I am relieved that I actually held on a that person who is now my close buddy online. Chin Eng made an effort to be friendly in good way trying his best to make me smile of sorts. He asks various questions about life in general that made me want to give my own opinions. In the long run I had someone to chat- talk with while being online fb. I don't have the luxury to spend time with my friends literally as my way of living is constantly restricted for safety reasons. Here are some of his photos which have permission to post. I don't want to offend anyone as much as possible after all.

Thanks buddy for having a knack to change my perspective as you didn't want to see me always lifeless, hallow and lost in a dark black hole. A small gesture can mean so much you don't even realize it can leave a huge impact to people who actually need it. 

  I am the close lip smile kind of person rather than the "all smiles"/ showing all the pearly whites kind. I don;t exactly have the best looking set of teeth to be stared at and tend to shy away being too happy in my photos. Hmm..think that could be easily referred to as celebrity smiles..I am not that's for sure. In due time was able to improve my smile by trying to show more of my teeth but still very conscious about it. Let’s see have goofy kind snapshots that he took via webcam. I don't let anyone see me on webcam since too wary of the problems that might occur. I couldn't practice well enough with my other friend since the internet connection can be super slow at times so not quite happy with blurry results. *pouts*

I am quite happy these days since 80% can show my happy self in photos but not that confident to show it in public places yet. I am still stiff when other people approach me when they want to ask something randomly. I have a limited social skills as not being exposed long enough with the outside world. I have a tendency to be chatty online but if you meet me you  probably say "I barely heard your voice at all". Well that is how I view myself so this blog is my way of expressing myself even just a little bit. It's not much but believe this is good enough to start with.

I am fully aware that my goal to be happy and content is not yet complete. I am still striving to do what I can to be at ease with life. I am inspired as I watch anime when possible and maybe doing tidbits of arts/crafts. I don’t have much background in such area but then can learn little by little. I know that is also a form of therapy to heal myself.

I try my best not to be like the this kind of person like here. Credit to the owner as it is not my art work just found it relevant in various aspects.

In conclusion am glad to have few select people in my life. It doesn't mean having tons of people around me will make me less lonely. Even relatives can hurt or should I back stab you when you least expect it. Just saying since I do remember a few times that happened to me 1st degree cousin...money, intangible stuff  which in turn keeping way too many secrets/details which should have been shared. I felt betrayed and very much like a fool being unaware of several situations that left awkward moments with the other relatives in process. I refuse to dwell on it anymore it's in the past after all. *tsk tsk* I rather have transparent like people whose thoughts and actions are sincere enough to be at my side and make sure to keep me in the proper mind set. I am also glad that I prayed earnestly and the journey of my life continues on.

My life is a Story Written By God .I don't know exactly how you came in to my story, but I hope you will be there in it until God writes my last chapter.

Thank you for taking interest to read. I mentioned it was a long post after all. ^_^